Aging Joyfully: Finding Happiness in Life's Challenges with Courage, Grace & Humor!

 

Born in 1950 on Halloween, I am the 6th child of a 1950s blended family. My dad held reserve status as an Officer in the Air Force. He served between WW II and the Korean War. Before their marriage on St. Patrick's Day in 1950, my mom was a single mother of 3 boys and 1 girl.

I had a very normal childhood - and then my dad was deployed to Viet Nam in 1966. That's when life started changing. I married at 18. I started my family at 20. Then a few years later, my husband began showing symptoms of Bipolar Disorder. It was formerly referred to as manic depression. He experienced rapid cycling. His personality changed minute-to-minute, from laughing to raging in 60 seconds flat. He also experienced depression, anxiety, spending sprees, and hyper-sexuality.

I knew in my heart that I loved him enough. I was completely unprepared to deal with his mental health issues. I dedicated 13 years to "fixing" him. I remained patient with him and handled his psychological abuse. I safeguarded our two young children from his instability.

In 1992, he passed away suddenly from a massive heart attack. This happened on our living room floor. Our son, who was 16 years old at the time, was there.

It had been 15 years of learning to swiftly tackle crises. First, they addressed the immediate crisis and took necessary action. Later, they allowed emotions to be processed, as breaking down in the midst of a crisis served no purpose. There were tasks to finish and individuals to safeguard.

My thought process at the time was clear and resolute. I needed to work as many hours as necessary to secure my job. At the same time, I had to stay connected with the kids to make sure of their well-being. I prioritized ensuring we had enough funds for the mortgage, groceries, and gas. I was cautious about revealing any raise to prevent extra unnecessary spending.

I promptly acquired the skills to tackle various tasks when he passed away. Thanks to my dad, I learned to replace parts in the toilet tank and under the sink. I also learned to change my own car oil and obtain bids for re-roofing the house. These are among many other day-to-day tasks. I also had to make sure my high school-aged son attended band practice and football games for pep band. He also needed to be at pipe band practice and competitions. I managed to do this without depending on others.

I took a long time to realize that I neglected to take care of myself. I needed to focus on my own needs. Practicing self-love and self-care was essential. I found myself in unhealthy relationships, and as my parents rapidly aged, I entered the stage of "parenting my parents". Once my kids grew up, it became my parents who required the "parental" support.

At some point, you come to the realization: where's your happiness? Your joy? Your time? Where is your self-love and self-care? I went through two more marriages and divorces. I provided end of life care for both parents. I also realized that I had two adult children with diagnoses of Bi-Polar disorder (environmental), anxiety disorder, and PTSD. This led me to understand that I couldn't keep expending this much energy on others.

In 2020, on April Fools' Day, I received a life-changing diagnosis. I was 69 years old. COVID was having a pervasive impact. During this time, doctors diagnosed me with HPV P16+ Squamous Cell Carcinoma at the base of my tongue. This challenge demanded two months of rigorous treatment. It also required a year-long recuperation on a feeding tube. This journey ultimately led me to a profound EPIPHANY.

Life is finite! I must seize every single day with unbridled passion. I need to infuse each moment with sheer joy and gratitude. Otherwise, I would face the certainty of departing this world unfulfilled.

Three words became my mantra going in to treatment and have remained my WORDS ever since -

COURAGE GRACE AND HUMOR - MY WORDS TO LIVE BY.

As we age, join me in doing it JOYFULLY - and with my 3 words!